Something I wrote in high school. Geez that was a looonng timme ago.
Days
It was one of those days that I’d prefer the world to go away. No need for “big” words that would complicate my feelings….no inner meaning or the such, just “go away.” I think on those days the day is shorter the night is colder, the sun less forgiving. Any beauty that life may hold is marred with mistakes. Memories seems less sacred. They seem more as words written upon a chalkboard that can’t be fully erased – no matter what you write over top of it, how hard you scrub away at them, the erased marks glare through regardless. Or maybe these mars I see are an endless falling of feathers left from the absurdly swift flight of time. Black feathers that cause the world to be shadowed over so nothing will show. Nothing in the world, save those memories that can never be erased.
I’m human. Yes. I make mistakes being such. So is it human to make mistakes…or do mistakes make us human? Regardless, one should learn from mistakes, there is no other choice but to learn. You must learn from them because they won’t let you forget. Mistakes are malignant; they cling to your being until you start to think, “God, I wonder if everyone will notice this huge mistake,” and ways to rid yourself of this protuberance.
Living feels like falling to me….slowly falling. Diving. There must be a million motions you make will falling, a million things you could thing of….I only consider the impact. The impart is the worst part of falling, right?
I think about my life and see a door, ajar, anything could be behind it – failure or success. So the “falling” part of my life is the time I’m spending not opening or closing the door. Just thinking. Trying to see past all those damn feathers to my memories underneath. The good ones and the bad, because though both can partially be erased, they’re never completely gone. If I only squint hard enough, I could make the words out. The endless, unchained words, sentences, paragraphs, essays, novel that I have lived. While waiting for the impact.
© Caroline Alicia Harris